We need to talk
by ruddddda
Summary: Malec haven't spoken since waking up Jocelyn in the Institute but they know they can'y avoid it anymore. After 1x13 ep. I do not own the characters - C. Clare does.
_**Magnus**_

Nothing. No voice mail, no text. Nothing. Magnus thrown the phone on the couch and went to kitchen to make himself a drink.

Since their talk in the Institute Alec they hadn't spoken yet. It's not that Magnus could blame him for that – it's a lot to take. He did not expect him to jump into a relationship without thinking about the future. Choosing the Warlock, them has been a huge step that changed Alec's life. Magnus knew it wasn't easy and it never will be.

He's been in relationships with humans before and they all were bitter-sweet. Humans are, by nature, good and loving, but too fragile. Magnus knew each time how it would end, but it couldn't stop him. And it hurt every time, no matter how prepared he tried to be.

But Alec was different. As Magnus was getting to know him he understood that he was very conflicted, didn't accept himself. Alec hides in his emotional shell, not letting anyone inside. And that makes it even harder, not knowing what the Shadowhunter thinks hinders comforting him. Magnus didn't call him, obviously. The boy needs space and he was wiling to respect that.

Of course Camille's comments made everything worse. They stepped to the infinite lake of questions, pain and sacrifice – the topic of his immortality. It was definitely too soon for that kind of talk. He wasn't ready and neither was Magnus. He wanted to do this when they'd be together for some time and it's been barely a day. Too soon. _Damn you, Camille._

 _I am not doing this now._ He finished the drink and went to my bedroom, switching the lights off on his way. Magnus pulled his shirt of and lied on the bet. The sleep came quickly and soon he found himself in a place with no worries, no unanswered questions finally having some rest.

 _ **Alec**_

 _How did I get here?_

Alec was standing in front of Magnus' apartment.

He needed to take a break. There was too much going on in the Institute – Hodge's betrayal, Lydia's departure back to Idris, Jace's sacrifice for his family. And Magnus. Alec tried pushing away things that he' held but, as Clary said, it was not working well. How can that be that this little girl knows more about his own feelings better than Alec himself? It must be the mundane upbringing – no boundaries, people always saying how they feel. He doesn't know that kind of world. He knows that if he let emotions cloud his judgment he would be lost in his own head. But shutting things out is not a great option either. All it does is just squeezing his emotions inside instead of making them disappear as he wants them to.

It started pouring so Alec hid in the staircase. The golden letters, panned out into the name _Magnus Bane,_ were blinking at him as the light from the cars passing by was reflecting in them. After a moment of hesitation young Shadowhunter laid his hand on the door knob and twisted it.

The door was closed, which meant that Magnus wasn't home or that he indeed was , but didn't want anyone to interrupt him. Or Alec. He knocked silently, but nothing happened. Then he knocked again this time harder and louder. The moment the boy decided to leave, he heard steps and an angry voice:

-I assure you, whoever you are, if this nothing of an important matter, I will rip...- he stopped immediately when he noticed it was Alec. - Alexander...

Magnus was barefoot, standing in an unbuttoned shirt and jeans. His hair was messy, like if he was sleeping, he had no jewelery and not even a little bit of makeup covered the shocked and relieved face of the Warlock. Alec's never seen him like that – vulnerable, pure, with no mask he could hide behind. For the first time he didn't see the High Warlock of Brooklyn, but a young man looking at the person he likes. He was looking at Alec like no one ever had, like nothing but him mattered, like he was the only one in the city, country, the world that Magnus truly wanted to look at. That short glance could last maybe five seconds, but showed everything they both were feeling these few days the were separated.

-What brings you here, Alexander? - asked Magnus slowly buttoning his shirt and moving a few steps into the house so Alec could walk in, which he did.

They got to the living room and sat at the black sofa, where not long ago Luke had been laying with poisonous Alpha venom. Magnus had been running out of strength so he'd asked for Alec's. When their hands touched the Shadowhunter felt electricity, power he'd never felt before. Regardless the declining strength he felt rising connection with the Warlock. Holding hands with him, feeling his hot body supporting on his. Helping him felt so right. At this moment he'd realized that maybe what he was feeling was not wrong, that he could be happy.

Since the moment Alec first met Jace he knew the boy was special. Troubled and hurt like a little bird with broken wing made Alec feel responsible for him right away. For almost half of his life the Wayland boy was the closest person he had. But after some time the Shadowhunters knew it was no longer friendship or _parabatai_ bond that connected them. Alec didn't look that way at Jace anymore, and he knew he shouldn't, but it was stronger than him. _What is wrong with me? His my friend, my parabatai plus probably the straightest guy I know._ And then Clary showed up ripping the shreds of hope he had. At first he hated her for this, but then he realized it was a good thing. She stopped him from hurting for unknown amount of time that would past before he managed to figure things out himself.

Then he met Magnus – beautiful, mysterious, powerful and unexpectedly, but clearly, interested in Alec. Somebody's attraction was nothing he was prepared for so when the Warlock flirted with him he had no idea how to react. But Magnus seemed to understand troubled Lightwood and was not discouraged by his acting.

That's the thing about him, he understood. The moment Magnus saw him he knew what was going on, despite no one else's had (excluding Izzy and maybe Clary).

And now the cat-like eyes had the same look – full of understatement, encouragement and a calming scent, that made Alec braver, which happens rarely.

-I am sorry Magnus. I didn't mean to keep that long unaware, but I wanted to figure things out before... - he felt man's finger on his lips so he stopped talking. Alec did not realize Magnus has moved closer on the couch. Their knees were connected as they were sitting almost face to face. The silence in the room was filled only with the sound of their heartbeats – Magnus' slow, rhytmical and Alec's – racing and loud like a drum.

-You have nothing to be sorry about, Alexander. It is my fault, I should have stopped Camille.

-But would that help? - Alec interrupted Magnus. - Why put off the inevitable? The sooner we have this talk, the sooner we will figure out what to do.

The Warlock sighed and took gently Alec's hand not taking his eyes from the boy.

-You're right. Neither of us should be unaware of what's to come when we have the possibility to. I am old, Alexander. And as you surmise I've been in many relationships in my long life. But the ones with humans are the hardest ones – their lives burn like candles' flames, but also fade as quickly like them. Way too soon if you ask me. But that's beautiful about them. And I think we should try to enjoy our time together as much as we can, which doesn't mean we will rush things. I will adjust as much as I can.

That was the longest that Alec's ever heard Magnus speaking. As he kept talking his voice was getting softer and more quiet and his head moved even closer to Alec's.

The young Lightwood did not know what to say. As much as he had been pushing that away, the thought hit him now and he knew he could not do it again. As the years would pass, Alec and everybody he knows will grow old. Boy's black hair will become gray, his body will lose the strength, eyes won't shine like they do now. And there will be Magnus – frozen in time, forever beautiful, strong and young.

Out of nowhere he saw a vision of an old man sitting on a rocking chair holding strong, flawless hand with his own – wizened and gnarled. The boy's eyes saying more that his mouth ever could – love, care, pain, helplessness, loss. He knows what is coming but out of all things he feels there is no regret. He knows it was all worth it and would not trade it for anything else.

And that look that never happened made Alec decide. He knew that he would die someday and he was OK with that. The thing that hurt him the most was the awareness that Magnus will watch the boy die. And how many times will that happen before he breaks. Or maybe he already had and now he finally healed. Does Alec have the right to make him go through this again? W will he seek comfort from? As far as he knew Magnus did not have much close ones. The only one the boy knew about was Ragnor Fell who had passed the day of the fallen through marriage.

Alec raised his head and leaned to kiss Magnus gently like breath of the wind. He tasted salty and boy realized he had cried. The tears were drifting slowly down his cheeks and falling on their plaited palms.

-I want to be with you – whispered Alec. - But are you ready to be with me? Are you ready to fall in love again knowing you will lose me someday? I can grow old and die, because I always knew it would happed eventually. But I don't want to hurt you by making you watch that process. Magnus, I...

This time it was Magnus who started the kiss. It was just as gentle as the last one, but longer. When the Warlock broke the kiss he moved his lips to boys ears and whispered – I can handle myself. The question is _Do you know what you are getting yourself into?_ Alexander. Life with me won't be easy. As I said I am old and a lot happened in my life that you don't know – good and bad, things you would or wouldn't approve. I can't change my past, but you can be my present and my future if you want to. Do you? -his hands moved to Alec's and were exploring every part of them. Magnus' palms were cold and soft as butterfly's wings, unblemished with physical work unlike the Shadowhunters.

-I do. I want to try.

Now they both leaned to the kiss which firstly was innocent and mild, but soon turned into a storm just as the drizzle that made Alec walk inside the building. Boy's hands moved onto Magnus' back grabbing the material making creases everywhere but none of them cared. Warlock braided his hands into Alec's hair, pressing their faces even closer together.

Magnus shoved on Alec gently so they laid on the couch. Their mouth combined into a compound of lips and tongue. Both men were breathing heavily now and once in a while out their mouth came a quiet moan.

The boy sipped his palms under Warlock's shirt feeling hard muscles under soft, caramel skin. It was the area he'd never explored before, so every inch of Magnus' body was a revelation. Through the hard stomach and waist his hands moved onto men's back pushing him closer.

Magnus broke the kiss and looked at the boy underneath him. He was breathing heavily, his hair were in even bigger mess than before and his eyes, _his eyes,_ were glowing in the dark room – yellow and bright. _When did the sun go down?_ The men snapped his fingers and blue fire inflamed the fireplace filling the room with light and warmth.

-Everything OK? - asked Alec, afraid he'd done something wrong. Magnus just smiled and leaned to a kiss, but not onto boy's lips as he expected, but his neck. Surprised Shadowhunter sighed loudly as men's lips were moving towards his ear. "You're beautiful, Alexander Lightwood" he heard.

 _ **Magnus**_

Alec was looking at him with his big beautiful eyes which expressed shock and amazement like he wasn't used to that kind of compliments.

Magnus kissed the boy once again softly on lips, smiled and said – I think we've had enough for one day, don't you think?

Alec, unexpectedly, heaved up and kissed Magnus placing one hand on his neck and the other on his waist. It was a quick, sweet kiss and when he broke it he said – I don't think I will ever have enough of you, but you're right – we should go to sleep. - he bit kiss lip and after a moment of hesitation he asked. - Can I stay over? I am not sure if I want to come back to the Institute – the whole confusion over Jace's leaving is getting overwhelming. Just one night.

-Of course – Magnus answered not being able to prevent the grin that came on his face. - Any time. But better inform somebody about that. I don't want to be waken up at 4 a.m. by Maryse's Seraph blade on my throat.

For the first time the Warlock heard Alec's laugh and it was the most pleasant sound he'd heard in a long time.

-I've got that covered. - after that the boy stood up to take the phone from the table and wrote something quickly. After a few seconds I heard a vibration and again his laugh. - Izzy will tell our parents. "Have fun, guys." plus smiley face with horns. She thinks we are doing some inappropriate stuff.

-Oh, how dares she? - Magnus replied laughing along with him. He stood up as well, grabbed Alec's hand and started walking to the bedroom. Fortunately the bed was huge, so there were no worries they wouldn't fit in it. When they reached it they split – Magnus to the left and Alec to the right. The Shadowhunter took his shoes off and put his Seraph knives on the commode. After a moment of hesitation he took his shit off too and laid next to Magnus, who was shirtless as well, in silky sheets.

-Good night, Magnus. - he whispered.

-Good night, Alexander. - Magnus answered. Their arms were touching up and his hand, once again, holding boy's.

The whole room was filled with bright, morning light. Magnus looked at Alec. _He is more than beautiful._ From the delicate face with soft lips and big eyes to trained, runned body he was like a piece of art, like a statue of an ancient god - perfectly balanced.

Not letting go of his hand Magnus grabbed his phone from the commode and changed the number's name from _Alec_ to _Alexander._


End file.
